The Embarrassment Continues...
This was written on GEnie long ago and perhaps better off forgotten

Irradiant Darling


         I sat and played with China in her basket and I fed her a box of cookies.  I gots one and she gots one only she ate hers faster and took the box away and hid under my bed so I hadn't  any.  China used to be my sister until Uncle Willis turned her into a labrador retriever.  So I cried cause I had anything to do, so I saw a bottle on the floor in Uncle Willis's room just almost 'zactly like a bottle that came with my babydoll that wets and it had a little bumpything on the top of it and looked like it might come off  and there was some stuff inside it like water (and I asked Mama can I play with this, what is this?  is this candy?  is this juice?  only she was at the 'puter and she said to go way and leave her lone and play the Tendo, so I looked in the other room and they are all already playing the Tendo, so I can't and I took the bottle in the other room and got in China's basket and put my mouth on the little straw and I drank it.)  And Uncle Willis is all upset cause he is a scientist and he says  he's gotta take me to be at his lab 'cause Mama don't like how I glow in the dark, and I don't wanna go on account of he's mad at me for getting into his experiment stuff, and turning radioactive.  It wouldn't matter to me so much, if I could just stop getting bigger, but Uncle Willis don't know how to get me to the lab no way cause I won't fit in no car no more, and he's gonna rent a semi and a warehouse and we're gonna perform some speriments.  Mama keeps crying, on account of she don't have no more babies, and Uncle Willis just keeps shaking his head like he's got water in his ears, that's his tic, you know?, and he points up at me and says to Mama, "Now Erma Dean, you got a baby here for keeps, a real BIG baby," and he says she shouldn't be so picky, I am real special and unusual now since I turned electro-magnetic, and she oughta be proud of me for being so unusual, instead of being ashamed.  I only gots one thing to say and that's I hope Uncle Willis don't turn me into a dog like my sister China cause she's got fleas.